Little things

This has got to be the worst post ever. I don't have even the utmost care who would read this but I feel so bad right now. Bad that I can't get an interview, bad that I am missing my deadline, bad that I can't get my allowance, bad that I am still waiting for my underwear to dry. Bad.

Everything this week seemed like it was going to fall over me or trample me or squish me (which I aways picture ending in a gruesome manner). And now that Tatay is angry at me, I really don't know what to do.

My phone was dead about eight am and I was still asleep, I charged it yesterday but my phone is always like this, dead and gone. Tatay was supposed to call me but with my phone dead, he can't reach me. When I went to sleep it was reflecting it's LCD with full batteries. How am I supposed to know it'll be dead in a few hours? Too bad there's no defibrilator for batteries that I just can chuck out of my pocket.

Okay, I fear adulthood for that matter. I fear that i'll pick on some petty thing to release my anger. I fear that i'll call someone stupid intentionally. I fear that i'll make someone feel that he made the biggest mistake any human being can do without even trying.

An Invitation

Just this day, someone asked me to dance again. That was pretty odd. I haven't "officially" danced in public (if you call my silly moves in the office dancing and the staff, an audience) since last two years ago.

I wasn't astonished about them asking me though. I was simply pondering on the length of time I stopped dancing. Dancing for me is a new venture in college. I never dared to dance in my entire high school life. And it seems to me that this incident sometimes, well, always happens to me.

I fall out of time to do what I want most because of something else.

I said no though, I knew I wasn't prepared. Plus I know for a fact that some of those people inside the room would belittle my capabilities. Maybe next time, I'll be lucky.

A point to remember as a dancer though: Mimicry is good but do not over-mimic. Too much of a good thing is bad.

So stop thinking about putting ABDC moves. Trolls.

Losing, Stretching

I think I have lost my thirst. I hope this is just a bad day (or week/s) or a sleeping hiatus of my muse.

The loss of the functionality and my files in Aristotle (my flash disk) is drowining me in stupid sadness. I kept thinking, what in the world happened? I just plugged it in my sister's notebook and then poof, it flashed the message 'cannot be read'.

Trying to make it working a couple of times in seven different pc units did not work either. I was insisting a non existing thing to exist again. We try that with eveything. We make a size eight fit our boat of a feet which measures to size ten. We stretch our three day allowance to fit in a week. We try to make things exist when they shouldn't.

I know it's wrong to do things that way but we succumb to what is normal. We try hopelessly, that ladies and gentlemen is normal. Losing interest in something is what I am afraid of. There are several factors why I lose things. 1) there are too many people doing it also 2) I have no time to devote on it 3) it has become repetitive and annoying.

A sample of this is my interest on the band FM Static. It was introduced to me by a friend when we were in secondary school. We were third year students. When I entered college, they went from Myspace background music to radio casts. People were oogling over them. People ask me, have you heard of them? They are sooo cool! And I was like yes, we listened to them two years ago. They insist the band is new, that I was bluffing. They stretch the truth, I lose interest in the truth.

Society revolves on this fact. Some stretch ideas, others lose ideas.

Losing files is another thing. Sometimes, if the back up fails, your dead. In my case, the one that failed was the back up. Much worse. Aristotle is dead and I need to accept that fact. I need not to stretch it./KP

will

It wouldn't be fair to write a last will and testament today. I haven't got any assets to give nor any property to divide among my constituents. It's really hard to give something away when you know you haven't got anything to give. It's counting chookies before you catch the chickens.

And sadly, I always ponder upon my chookies. I ponder what would happen if (just if, not planning on anything) THE thing happens.

Few of my possessions would never be credible enought to be facilitated by a barista. There's no need for it. Give them all away, that's an idea.

I would also rather be cremated than to be inside a box; metal or wood whatever, I don't need another box trapping me in the afterlife. I there is an afterlife.

But my family would never agree on that. Then again, who knows?

**

Somehow if a will would be too difficult for me to give at least memories are still available.

Video tape please./KP

Doing nothing

Believe it or not, I do poetry when I am bored.


Pug paws', moose on...


It started as drip drafts
Emptying the fool of the heavens
We

were drying up existence of man as we
No it.

Topping the twisted turbine tunnel of the tiny trickle
Fine, turn it left
I was there

to see the reader who read Ruffa Mae upside down

A pulse were not picked up from here
It was not in order. It was firm

Friendly foils too

It was just.right
torrid was the way man met the tears of the gods

It was not wedlock.
We presume.

Perpetual mesh
couldn't possibly smother the two into one.

Siphons, vials, tubes, tongue depressors

You just won't do either

Time is essential to everything.

I tore happiness
I wasted a tear for you. It
wasn't enough

You made a movie about it.

Melting pot of everything, that's what you are
eternal bless while scratching my
back forehead

I flushed when you looked back at me
It was good, you said.

The river was never a river,
it was Devils' Kettle-where no one knows
where it goes


rhyme time

But we had faith in each other.
Someday we'll end up

in a burger shop together.

But everything was in harmony
and we don't care at all. Noe.Ninny


Yeah, you said.
Ooh, I said.

I left the room with butterflies and a happy conviction.
No sud disposition.


12:34 am
the 17th of February

Of being an activist

No, I could not define myself as one. I think I never could. I could never see myself behind a picket line. I'm too scared to do that. Chicken.

**

Saw the movie "Dukot" yesterday and I got the skivvies? Heeby-jeebies.

**

I'm proud that I am an active student. Being active in school always kills the monotony of my life. It, however, makes my mom's blood pressure go beyond the limit.

Maybe I'll see myself behind a picket line someday. Maybe it's because food won't be free no more./KP

Listing

I am still not over my book list yet. I've skipped two and ignored one. I was thinking that I'll never finish my list. I think I'll change that. I'll finish it.

***
And about finishing, I just finished the-postponed-always-really-again exam. That's another one off my what to do list.

***

Just watched Time Traveler's Wife. I fell asleep. It was too long. 500 Days of Summer is better. Much better. I love Summer.

***
Current revision of "the list":

1. watch any movie in the cinema
2. sleep some more
3. sleep some more

February and still no midterm exams

It's no bummer yet it's true. It's February and still no middle term examinations on a major subject. Conflict of schedule, of time, of people, lahat.

Situations are not difficult. The people in it are. If as a group your co-members only grumble and never speak out, nothing will be resolved. If your co-members are silent, they're preparing for a hefty back bitiing session with their friends. Digesting people only chew, seldom talk like there is no tomorrow.

That's why I hate to be in a group that never speaks up-they'll end up talking about the loudmouth behind it's back. And usually I am the loudmouth.

It's not that I am angry with people talking behind other peoples' back (hey, I do that though unusually low on the pinoy level), it's just that they are not talking when you want them to talk and they talk when you turn your back on them.

They didn't even present a premise or a solution to our problem.
They didn't even talk or say any suggestion.
They didn't even say why they won't take the exams.
They looked sulky; a look I always hate.

What in the world do they need?

An electrical charge?
A slap on the face?
A good harsh taking-to?

Nevermind. They are hopeless.

As for our professor, I really hope he makes this an easy one.

Doldrum drops

I've been really feeling the chilly weather. I drank coffee this morning and I am so woozy that I used the backspace button more frequently while typing this entry.

January is supposed to be cold. But not freaking wet. Last night, I surfed for greek and bulgarian main dishes because they're experimenting at home. But today I got all hyped up. We're practicing for a demonstration on Monday.

I got hyped up because:

1. some are just pain in the arse.
2. some are late.
3. I got no money.
4. did I say some are pain in the arse?

It's very hard to work on the group that does not know the commitment in a performance. Really, some people do not appreciate the joy of performing. Some will look upon you as weird loving what you're doing but who cares?

I love my craft, I love working my body. It's stress relieving to dance. It takes off my backpack for me.

So if you don't like what you are doing, don't blame it on the one who made the steps. For when they made it, it was of rhythm of the body; not politics.

In a group, never be taken aback with doing suggestions. Don't stop yourself if it's something for the groups' betterment. If you don't like the suggestion, present an alternative. Don't just say I don't like it. Be conscientious. I think you don't even know what that means.

Of Farming

In this modern times, even six year-old children can farm. They can collect eggs from the chickens, they can harvest crops and they can plant new crops in just a simple click of a device called a mouse. Of course I am talking about the sensational applications that has gripped the online community of Facebook™ (which was sparsely populated a few years back).

Farming has always been part of the Filipino culture. Our ancestors were very eager and happy farmers who lived off their lives farming their own land. They were a happy bunch of mountain people. Going a few years in the future (give or take twenty generations or two) we see the hope of the youth in re-establishing and awakening the agricultural prowess that has once characterized our nation.

Imagine if those children and teenagers who are point and clicking their mouses real farmers. Come to think of it, we'll have 600,000 farmers now all working (some even on night shifts). With the government limiting agricultural budget and the country's depressing state of importation, why wouldn't we give our attention to the problem?

The proposed budget of the government for this year has increased about one eight in percentage and the allocation for agriculture is 27 billion. Only half of the budget for defense. Last year, the budget for agriculture was slashed of its rightful 1.1 billion. Where did it go I don't know.

For now the country's hope for a sustaining economy anchored on agriculture and rice sufficiency is bleak. Not unless the people at my left, right and back in this cafe start thinking of farms, farmers and planting. The real ones. /KP

Side reeling

I haven't watched any recent movies and I think all the entries at the MMFF are for dunderheads. So we watched copies of those 'epics' in dvd. Pirated or Original.

1. Avatar


No, it's not Aang. It's those big blue guys on a big planet. Pandora (that's the name of the blue planet), is being infested by humans who seek better living conditions (and new resources) because the earth is exhausted. It truly is epic in terms of effects but the sad plight and over exhausted plot of the humans-are-evil-and-they-are-cold-hearted are so old. However, no one could detest the stunning effect. Some might say it's cartoon-ish but i completely disagree. It's the next epic to Star Wars.

2. Twilight Saga: New Moon


It's still trash because of Pattinson. Yes I think Pattinson is the entire reason why readers are frustrated of the movie. Though everyone in the film has matured in their character, I still can't help but notice why Bella is acting like a poor kid who lost her candy on the way to school. Too much heavy breathing. I was also frustrated of the inclusion of Dakota Fanning in the movie. Why waste a good actress on saying four lines in a movie?

Though one could amaze at the setting in Italy, one question bugs my mind. Did Alice and Bella drive over an ocean and three countries?


3. Jennifer's Body




My tit. No that wasn't my line.It was the last punch line of Megan Fox in the entire freaking movie. What would you expect from the writer of Juno? True the writer has done an impeccable job in making teen horror truly funny. Just ignore the guts ripping and you would surely enjoy this movie. Seyfried is a psycho!

Plus, Megan is still hot, even though she's busy drinking blood from your abdomen.



4. 2012

Okay, the plot is totally stupid. The punchlines are a bomb to hear for they will surely make you laugh amidst the falling buildings and screaming almost-but-sure-dead people. One has to note the symbolism in the movie though. No, were not extremists and conspiracy theorists but I can't help it. Why did the biggest ship of the US army destroy the White House?/KP

Disaster in the making

I was so depressed this past months that I haven't made any artwork. The last one that I made, I let it rot in my cabinet from mite bites. Now, Nang Adel has posed a very intriguing deal. After a month, we'd switch artworks. Same size, different work.

It was okay for me at first to accept the fun exchange however, after a day of thinking I have realized that I am out of ideas for it. I rummaged something in the old magazines for an inspiration and racked my brains with all my might. But to no avail, I still don't have any.

I am hoping for that magical serendipity moment, an A-ha! moment, any spark just to resolve this. I am waiting. Waiting..

Life danger

Yes, for the first time in my freaking entire life, I may be wiped out in this planet after twenty four hours. Give or take a week. I don't know. I just feel the creeps right now. No, I didn't sell drugs as a part-time job and no, I did not write anything about someone so malicious. I just wonder what's wrong with this guy who just sent me this message:

one word is enuf 4 a wise man. d nyo pagtraidora ky d nyo p q kilala. into a nyo ang iba indi lng ako. ok?

He already sent me an SMS about a few months back and I still couldn't help but laugh. He knows me, and not only as acquaintances but as somewhat work buddies. Still he makes threats to me?

Hey man, I never had laid my eyes on your woman. For crying out loud, and may I repeat it again that we're just friends? Okay? And besides, I'm sane enough not to meddle in your relationship. Marunong ho ako ng delicadeza.

Kung sa Big Brother pa- "Over."

absolute solution to the resolution

I never do the resolution thing. It bothers me. You start a year with a promise you are dying to keep and by the end of the first month (give or take February), you are at it again. Doing your old rituals even though you've 'crossed-your heart' and 'promised' that you won't. The irony of life.

That's it has never crossed in my mind to make a resolution this year. I always (take those kindergarten times out) have never been into it.

First, I never believe in big promises. You know when you're a kid and your dad promises you that you'll have candy when you'd be good in class? I always fell for that stint and countless of times I end up being the little saint with no Snickers on his hand. I learned my lesson and this I think applies to the recent context.

Second, I know that I can't keep up with promises. I'm a big liar and keeping up with sappy holistic things in this bitter life is hard for me. So better shut up and don't hurt anyone else. Never promise when you know you can't keep it. You'll be like those TraPos who babble everything under the sun in their speeches.

So what is my solution?

Be myself this year. Simple and definitely easy to do.

Guetta, Glee, and Babae sa Isla na Asul

Nang Hani (our editor) and I were supposed to meet our adviser to update her about the plans for our Christmas party. We ended up sending her an SMS instead. Then wer hopped onto a jeepney and headed to the mall to buy the gifts for our secret partners.

The secret partner type of gift giving is predominant among older (and by that I mean high school and college and post college people) people and has the thrill of guessing who picked you or who did you pick. The silly part is that almost everyone tells everyone who they picked.

Not me. I got it all covered. I'm a neat secret keeper you know.

Nang Hani first helped me what to buy. I said I would buy my partner a sign shirt knowing that she loves reading one. Okay, I let it slip that my 'SP' is a girl. No matter, it's still vague enough. I bought two shirts a hundred a piece. Solved!

Then it was Nang Hani's time to be troubled. She hasn't picked anything to give yet to our adviser.

Yes, Nang Hani's 'SP' is the adviser we would've contacted that morning. How did I know? I made my trap questions that I learned from our debate, put them in my small handy notebook and in one afternoon before we bought sundae cones, I tricked her into saying it. No, that was a lie. She just told me. I don't need to ask, silly.

Our adviser has indicated a few things in the wish list.
1. something about relaxing
2. something about crafts
3. something about vacation
4. something about peace

Whew. How could she fit that in a few hundred pesos. First we fought with our stomach (my stomach that is) to find a pair of comfy slippers. The weird fluffy ones. Yes if you need comfort, sometimes you just have to shun the fashion trend away. step on them with fluffy slippers.

But let's forget the fluffy slippers. They're too way off the price marker. At 600 pesos a pair, you can have them. I'll buy cotton balls and stick them with glue to a 56-pesos pair of slippers from downtown, thank you very much.

Next stop, the two books stores to find something to read. Daily Bread? No, I think ma'am has them. A crossword and Sudoku book? Is that what you call relaxing? Finally, Nang Hani found a book on origami. I agree that is relaxing. But is it relaxing for the pocket?

The book costs a whooping 700 pesos. Next option please.

We move onto a cd store because I was looking at the price of a Guetta cd. I was dying to get a copy and hear my own ear thump on its won eyt I was still lacking funds. Then I saw a Glee compilation cd and at the exact moment, Glee's version of "Gold Digger" was playing. Damn was I tempted. But I didn't give in. Sorry, your advertisement won't do its trick today.

Then I had an idea. Why won't we give ma'am a cd for relaxation. A sort of background lounge music for her office. Hani agreed and we proceeded in picking the right one and after that we scanned a selection of happy-feel-good movies. That's option number to when we encountered something funny. The cd store was now apparently a hub for x rated material.

I asked myself, would anyone buy this publicly? And in a mall? I think one should save porn watching to their private selves. And if the people who made these films say these are art. Please tell them their funny because their covering up for soft porn. You can easily tell the difference of these films form the real films.

Note: They don't have nude people in the cover. Plus their titles wouldn't suck. Who wouldn't think it's a porn film if your selling it by the act itself. SEX Reels: Ang Babae sa Isla na Asul. Sort of. After that we enjoyed the liberty of having to inspect every x-rated ish material of their titles. If you come to watch at the titles for a long time, you can't help but to suppress a laugh. Call it being malicious but these titles make sex sell.

However, I am totally depressed as to what some movie makers think as a breakthrough. Independent films (indies) are hot on the market today. And if it's not sex their selling, it's prostitution. And movie goers still think that some of it is still art-able when in fact their just eager to get some money by making someone bear flesh. Some indies are indeed worthy every penny. But some are just plain nasty.

After buying the cd, we head of to heaven. Unlimited Rice! Yeah!

Stomach

Okay I admit that my brain sometimes does not work as it should be. I get this blank air moments that no ideas seems to flow through this heavy poundage. I admit that I am unusually lazy as to normal people should be and I totally admit the fact that I am an eatinf frek.

Sorry, I mean eating freak.

I eat a lot. That is an undeniable fact. And for some who may scoff at that statements, may I kindly refer you to my friends who would truly attest to the truth that I, unfortunately, eat. Eat more than you that is. And yes, a 54-kg skinny body can hold four cups of rice, two types of viand and a 12-oz. bottle of soda in one meal (excluding here are what we Filipinos call 'pica-pica' snacks which I also enjoy to the fullest). That is why I enjoy eating at establishments offering unlimited rice. I am a Filipino and I think I couldn't survive a meal without my precious grains.

And this is where my problem start; with eating. See I live in the student budget which means I have to fit an entire week of food consumption, photocopies, alamutans with my one thousand peso allowance. And almost 7/8 of these goes to food. Sadly, I have no money left for other things when the snakes in my stomach start to do somersaults. It's hard enough to live alone in the city but starve? No freaking way.

So this is my revolution to my eating problem. Stop being lazy, do work. Everyday and try to forget eating once in a while. Though it is my parents dream to see me all plumped up, I may have to prolong their wishes a bit longer. Right now, I need to live within my means. After this, i'll be eating at McDonalds.

Errors

We just finished publishing our tabloid for this year (finally!). And as any tabloid, any project that involves numerous texts, any idea or executed thought; we had flaws. A little typo on this page, some grammars don't on this. Some major and some passable.

And of course our own critics are ourselves. What figures.

We have that student sickness that every after exam, we check our notes if our answers were right or not. We sigh at our mistakes and jeer that we had made the risk and pulled it of great. We want to get those tabloids and just start all over again. Too many mistakes on these and that. I think we need correction markers and a lot of them.

For me committing mistakes like these are just part of our learning process. This does not mean however that we should use this as an excuse in doing what is less of our capacity. As former (and hopefully future) Graciano Lopez-Jaena Awardees for Best Departmental Publication, we should give out our best, bring our best foot (if there is any) forward and bring down the house with the best that we can do. This incapacity to sometimes not see eroors should be used to the fullest extent in making and producing quality materials that the clientele is asking for.

However, it is true that we sometimes just say things and not mean it at all. I hope that we could 'execute' the next ones properly. No, we SHOULD execute it properly.

Lesson learned. Pramis, next time it will be sweeter. Mamatay man si Batman.

this is losing

This post is in Filipino. Bob Ong slash Atalia-Reyes Mode.

Gusto ko talagang sumali sa mga patimpalak. Ewan ko ba kung sakit ito o makating buni na di matanggal-tanggal pero nasisiyahan talaga ako kung sumasali. Para mamamanhid ka sa thrill na hindi naman sumasakay sa roller coaster. Mapa essay writing, photo contest o tic-tac-toe, talagang kakagat ako dyan.

Baka siguro kasi competitive kami sa bahay. Unahan sa pagkain (kaya kung huli kang magising, matuto kang tumiis ng pandesal), sa remote (bahala kakung cartoons trip ng tatay mo) at sa banyo (pigilan mo, pasensya ka). O kaya sa skul kung saan maninigas ka muna bago ka makaranko nang ika tatlo.

Siguro innate na nga sa akin to dahil sa environment na kinalakihan ko. Palaban sa labanan kahit na-iihi na. Kaya nga nang sumali ako sa dagliang talumpati kanina (extemporaneous speaking) e medyo nasayahan ako. Una, kasi magaling ang kalaban. Pangalawa, kasi may ranko ako-ako ang ikalawang lugal. Nasayahan ako kasi hindi ko ito inaasahan. Parang natatawa pa kasi yung mga hurado sakin kanina. At yung tanong sakin, parang pang-beauty pageant sabi ng kaklase ko.

Yan talaga ang sinasabi nila na kung minsan, di mo hinihingi, kusang pumupunta sa'yo (pa-feel lang to). O kung minsan kahit na nandyan na, mawawala pa (pa-feel din ito).

Hanggang sa susunod na taon.

The start.

If you are staying in Iloilo you know for sure what Dinagyang is and when it is. Some wait for the auspicious posters to be hanged on the streets. Some wait for the real day of "Merrymaking". I wait for the sound of drums.

A few weeks before, I had already heard and seen some high school students play the upbeat tunes in their make-shift drums. These can be heard in the wee hours of the night for in their hope that their opponents would not hear it. They would practice when the sun is hiding in its blankets.

Tonight, I hear the drums once more but much louder. Dinagyang is here.

Convincing

I am a bad salesman. I hate selling things and I am terrible at sales talk. That's why I am thankful I live in the Philippines where their scouts are not being made as fund-raising monkeys. Imagine the ten year old me selling cookies door to door at our town. I am sure that my team mates wouldn't sell their cookies. They'd be throwing them at me because I scared the customers away of some cholesterol-risk story.

I am sometimes the midpoint of failure in our group. I'd be the worst team mate because if I knew the right answers, I would just keep it. If I was too cocky, I'd pester everyone to make my answer the answer and end up not gaining any points. Luck is my polar opposite.

That's why I am having a hard time telling myself to move the f*cking forward after I lost my laptop. I sound so childish and blatantly schizophrenic as I have already made three posts about it yet my mind is not functioning nor producing any ideas to write about except this. So I am stumped with this 'til I get over the hang-over.

Is there any medicine for this? It should taste better than the ones for anti-fillariasis. Them taste like airline food. Much worse than airline food. I got a packet one from my sister because the local RHU gives them away. Hey, it's free so I got one. Better prevented than already having something that shouldn't be big ginormous.

I am now settled that the only thing to make me move on is m self. Not that crazy woman in the street, not the lazy traffic enforcer but my own self. This is going to be hard.