Another wish-all-you want list

We are hungry humans. Desperate and eager to find ways to get what we want. You may deny this or admit this but no matter what your reaction is, it is still the truth. We seek endless pleasure and satisfaction.

I had come to realize that when we conspire to get things that are way off the line of range, you will just be hopelessly hanging in the air, dreaming your way through the imaginary self-pity-poor-me realm.

This is just a boring self-satisfying post. Don't read this if you're not bored enough. haha.

I had dreamed of doing things. Silly ones I guess, that's why they never come true. But come to think of it, almost one-third of my wish list could be plausible. I myself sometimes negate that they happen. Ako ang humahanap sa malas.

So here is another rant list of what I will do this year in order to change my life and lessen the need to satisfy myself. Or else this will just knock off my head to think again.

1. Submit an entry to the ArtPetron under photography.
2. Submit an entry to the Palanca Awards. But before that I should...
3. finish a good Hiligaynon story fit to be published by SILAK and for the Palanca (hey, rant list only!)
4. Be able to fullfill my duty as the new photojournalist and lay-out artist of SILAK.

5. Pay the debts of our ex chairperson.
6. be able to buy my own camera.
7. be able to buy yet another book.
8. Be able to create a masterpiece using a ballpen.
9. Eat at Floyd's and Bavaria. (Wala pa ako nakakain dyan, sorry.)
10. Make the people at our section realize the term 'individual', 'respect', 'listening', 'forward thinking', 'maturity', 'self-reliance', 'cooperation' and 'leadership'.
11. Be able to convince SILAK to publish a seperate magazine for the big30 for SILAK's 30th anniversary. (So far, si Stacy convinced na sa idea.)
12. Shoot a fashion shoot. Kahit amateur lang.
13. Learn THE basics.
14. Buy a History book

I need to satisfy myself for once. Please help me accomplish it. Or else please encourage me to do so. Wish it for me. /KP

Unrelenting Habit

Father, forgive me for I have sinned.

This should be my lines right now. I should be facing a punctured wall with a priest on the other side waiting anxiously for me to reveal what is this sin.

But that doesn’t happen. Instead, I face an LCD screen and type away the anxiousness that covers my fear of being discovered by the authorities of my unnerving obsession.

Yes I am an addict. Not of drugs, of violence, of death, of sex but of books. It seems musing to find one these days right? But still, I admit wholeheartedly to you that I am a book lover. I don’t think that this covers as a mortal sin for priests right?

Yesterday with the brink of a black out in the city, I went to the mall for some ‘refreshing’ air (when I say refreshing, I mean cool, air-condition surroundings). First, I head off to Robinsons, a mall in the heart of the city-literally in the heart of the city.

It seems to hit me that although few boutiques are present in this mall and there are few proprietors renting, the people level here don’t fully go to level zero. A fact still amuses me that most offices for the city government (I reckon there are four), are located on the third floor of the mall. This is when I wish I was government employee at Robinsons, it’s easy to get to everything without the hassle.

Back to books. Of course as clothing is my second obsession, as would I tell on another time, I passed nonchalantly the boutiques and shops mostly people ogle for and head off to a sanctuary discovered almost a century ago; The Philippine National Bookstore (God bless that husband and wife).

It seems predictable to anyone who knows me that this is my first destination in any mall in the Philippines. When I went to MOA April 2006, I completely ignored the skating rink, Starbucks and head off to the national bookstore. When I went to SM Bacolod this October, I completely ignored CK and head off to, still, the national bookstore.

Maybe this is just my built of character and how my understanding of going to the mall is. Shopping for books.

So I scoured the entire bookstore (almost excluding the precious hearts shelf and the school supplies) and found an interesting book with a far fetched-price. It’s twenty-five US dollars. Roughly about one thousand pesos. Back to the cheap ones then. Then I saw ‘The Tipping Point’ which is highly recommended to me by Aries since its very related to my field. But then it hit me that this is not my priority.

Like the mantra in ‘Confessions of a Shopaholic’, I asked myself: “Do I need this?” over and over again until I decided, oh well, best be off without it. I can buy it anytime if money permits. So when everything that interests me did not fit in my astoundingly tight budget, I went away, away from sin, and away from over consumption.

Next stop was the other mall at the other end of the city. Well outside the city.

SM Iloilo also has a bookstore. Though the same franchise, one could see other things in both stores. Sometimes, stock vary differently in the two outlets. At one time, the one in Robinsons held ancient stocks while SM’s is updated. Another time, it’s the other way around.

Again, I traversed the long corridors lined with bookshelves. The feeling of walking past numerous of volumes and numerous of books sends shivers to my spine and send a smile up to the back of my head. I love that feeling. I am one with the thin papers bonded together by glue. I am one with the thick pages of the atlas on that wall. I am one with the grandmother of all knowledge sources; books.

New stocks are in. Hurrah for fast cargo deliveries. I scour the wall for something new. A book by Nick Deocampo, An EZ map of the Philippines, the ILOILO Yearbook, then I saw it again. The National Geographic Book on WORK.

I could only prolong the saliva that was about to drool outside my mouth. It was still there. Early on last week, I had seen it already, and with determination I said, I am going to buy this if I got the money. But I didn’t had it that time so, I decided to put it on hold. Now that I had enough (I checked my wallet, luckily yes) money, I will buy this. Hahaha.

I had always been an avid fan of Nat Geo’s photography. Always. *Sigh* If only nanay did not throw those old issues at home, I would have gladly preserved those pictures.

Then I asked myself the same question, “Do I need this?” The perfect response, YES I DO!

I sorely, badly, really, hopefully, excruciatingly, happily need this.

Since I was starting to learn the basics of photography, I would gladly spend money to see the works of the pro’s who made the world turn, speak, and listen. Maybe I can be with them on a project. Load of tosh. Haha.

But seriously, I want it bad, so I bought it and had 35 pesos as change for my seven hundred pesos. Then hello Nang Adel. I saw her look at the books on display. Still I was shy to let her know what I bought. An obsession.

Mother shouldn’t know this. Father shouldn’t for they would disagree on spending too much on my passion. Unless you tell and unless they read this. /KP

The start of the hopeful comeback

April 20, 2009
8:39 pm

SILAK, the official student publication of West Visayas State University, College of Education has always been award winning—really award winning.

Being awarded with the Graciano Lopez Jaena Award (the highest Award in the Region for a School/Departmental Publication given by the Philippine Information Agency) for two times is indeed a great honored bestowed to SILAK. Becoming a role model to other student-publications in the region, being honored by numerous medals for its writers and countable (for we can catalogue it) certificates given, SILAK has indeed proven its worth to become one of the premier, most sought after student publication in the region. But not everything is fine and dandy.

Time, brain-bending storms, resource droughts, school government recession has proven to have a toll on SILAK. No, it’s not as worse as the Bubonic plague, and I am not scared of it. What I am ‘afraid’ (I don’t think this fits, but it’s close) about of is the visible reactions of the alumni. More are on the boos and less are on the hurrahs. Few nods and more scowls. I’m very much troubled that the previous staff had put up so much expectation from the future generation to continue the publication’s ‘legacy’. You know me, panicking is synonymous to everything.

So what is our step in upholding the publication? Well, it’s not our initiative but the initiative of an active (participating) alumni.

For academic year 2009-2010, a screening should be held for the ‘promotable’ staff members or for those who want to ramp up or retain their status in the publication. It will consist of a personalized examination covering the topics of Basic Journalism, Development Journalism, Basic Editing and a personality section. There will also be an interview by former staff members. This activity is set for one day. April 13, 2009. Examination on the morning and interview in the afternoon.

So it was that big day who judged us who we are as a student journalist.

May God save the Queen.

The test was very brain whacking to tell you honestly. There was also a mistake (by me, of course) in my exam. I was supposedly applying for the position of the Photojournalist but due to my alter-ego and my unconscious desire to have a higher position and probably form drowsiness, I had confirmed to our managing editor that I was applying for Associate Editor. Big boo boo.

Back to the examination. I had to dig up my brain for basic editing concepts and ruling. Being new to the publication, I also had a few boo boos when it came to the history of the publication. There was this particular question about the first adviser of SILAK. I knew it I had read it somewhere but due to my poor memory, I forgot the name. A big boo boo for a journalist. It should always be a ruling to know the background of the publication you’re entering. Basic dates, the who’s, and important innovations of the publication. It will help when you introduce your publication to other people if you know it by heart.

We ate lunch (courtesy of JD Bakeshop) and we waited for the panelists for the interview to arrive. The interview which was to be set in the office was transferred to the sheds behind Quezon Hall. Since it was Holy Wednesday, the Ramon Magsaysay Building, to which our office is located, shall be closed in compliance with the half-day memorandum of the school.

The interview was another tense moment-only for me perhaps. There are six (6) panelists. And these panelists were no doughnuts, to tell you honestly. Most of them are now professional-professionals, some completely in the field of journalistic and creative writing.

For easier division of the grueling task of interviewing of eight (8) applicants and to save time, each applicant shall have three interviewers. My interviewers were Ms. Dupit, Mr. Tubal, and Sir Sodusta.

It was nerve racking but I guess it did not show. The interviewers were pleasant and very calm. It was a very professional talk. I mostly stutter out my answers rather than speak it out. That’s how clumsy I am when it comes to interviews. People may perceive that I am calm that time yet deep within, the fleas in my stomach are scuttling frantically.

In the end I survived the re-initiation. We all did. And as what the alumni had said, this is hopefully the start of the hopeful comeback of SILAK.

Congratulations to the new staff for Academic Year 2009-2010. I really hope I don’t get punch in the nose for posting this./KP

Sonata for the Semana Santa

Arthur Schopenhauer, a German philosopher once said, and may I quote, "The greatest follies is to sacrifice health for any other kind of happiness."

I think this quote fully applies to the extent of what my family did during the commemoration of Semana Santa. As I went home that Wednesday, I was hoping for few trinkets and more Pinaisan, but tides really do turn about. Contrasting to the fact that the Holy Week should be a time of penance and small size eating, people at home are not to keen on cooking food. Adding to this is my sisters over preparation for every meal, one cannot feel the spirit of sacrificing people in our home.

If Traditional Catholics saw this then they would be utterly dismayed that my parents have not instilled the "Catholic commitment" of sacrificing earthly hunger for spiritual satisfaction in our family. But sacrificing is a different term for the family.

It means not being mean to each other, not being snobbish, not being forgiving, and not listening.

People fail to realize the true innate spirit of the Semana Snata, they only want to see the superficial, the outside itinerary so that they could live up the standard on society on conduct during the Lenten Season. It is already synonymous that when we spread the news that we are fasting for the season then the Catholics would nod. Great, they say. But if we say We ate pork just this morning. People would judge you by that statement in a snap.

What I am trying to point out is that we are merely satisfied with shallow things. Yes, it is great if you sacrifice your hunger, but what is most important is that you have learned the value of sacrificing. And this is not obtain merely by not eating, as most Catholics would deny.

What is fasting anyway aside from tradition?

People fail to realize that those catholics who seems so diligent in following all the traditions (some pagan, some church based) are those who are the bad eggs that try to cover up their inhumane acts with saintly semi permanent ones.

Why would my parents pester me with these non-obligatory traditions (in which most Catholic household breaks) when they know that this is only the time that I get decent food from my home? Would fasting help my hypoglycemic body? I am not implying that we break the traditions, rather, we should analyze those who follow it if they are committed, honest, and truthfully enough to follow what the doctrine says.

Do not be fooled by the ones who imply on sacrificing. Remember that sacrificing does not need attention, rather it needs to be left alone to grow and to nurture the values that are stirring inside./KP

home skully home

Someone in our office once told me that they always love to go home in their houses in their province. Masarap daw. Wala daw silang ginagawa at parang buhay prinsipe sila. Well, not all have the same fate.

Dito sa bahay, iba ang dadatnan mo.

Have you ever felt na di ka welcome sa bahay mo? (If you’re thinking na ganun ang nangyari, hindi po.) For me, malapit na.

In order for this discussion to sound not ingrato, I would start by why I love to go home. (By the way, I live at Poblacion Sur, Sigma Capiz.)

First, endless ang food supply at home. I am not saying that we own a grocery store or a branch of Makro, pero sa bahay talaga,di ka mauubusan nang pagkain. I am also clarifying that our refrigerator is not overflowing with food, it just happens that it never runs out of it. Good thing too. Imagine if walang laman ang ref namin. If ever food runs out, it’s also very convenient for me, I’ll just say, “Nay wala na unod ya ref.” Then they go to the market. Plus, I had discovered a newly opened and functioning typical sari-sari store near our house. Dali na lang ang source of food para sakin.

Second, ako ang may hawak nang remote. I am a TV hubby kaya medyo type ko to na situation. Not type pala, LOVE pala. I can choose what channel and shows I want to watch, di ako magbabasakaling i-change ang channel sa NatGeo dahil alam ko gusto ko to at walang magsasabi na, “Isli man dabi na. Ka boring na ya.”

Third, masarap ang higaan ko. Haha.

Now we go to the gory part. Why I almost hate spending time at home. Pasensya na po, pala-utwasan ni. There are certain rules in our home as every household does. And these two sum up what I want to rant about.

(1) Anak ka. Period. End of Story.

(2) Don’t complain. Comply and comply it fast.

So bakit medyo malapit na akong maatat sa bahay namin?

I am not bluffing pero pag sinabi talagang anak ka lang, anak ka lang dito. Anak ka lang talaga. Sobrang strict sa hierarchy dito sa bahay. Akala ko noon norm lang yan to be strict in that belief, pero mali naman. Minsan ang mga tao sa taas ng level of hierarchy ay nakakalimutan ang fact na tao rin sila at nagkakamali. In that situation, they seldom admit that they had committed some mistakes. Or a certain mistake. At sa kaso ko, parati yang nangyayari dito. Para wala naman sa lugar at sasabi lang sila, “Bata, ka lang or Manghod ka lang, Hinugay sabat-sabat sakon ay.” (Your just a child/brother, stop talking back to me.)

To them explaining your side and point out that you are “sometimes” correct is above the constitution of the Philippines. That your actions are unethical, unruly and simply wrong.

Another thing is that talagang messy sa bahay. At innate na yata sa pamilya naming ang tambak dito, tambak doon na philosophy. But when you’re the youngest, parang sinasabi nila na ikaw ang “pinaka” sa lahat nang pinaka-messy sa lahat.

That is why if you think my family is perfect. Think again. If perpekto yung pamilya mo, swerte mo.

Que sera sera.