We are hungry humans. Desperate and eager to find ways to get what we want. You may deny this or admit this but no matter what your reaction is, it is still the truth. We seek endless pleasure and satisfaction.
I had come to realize that when we conspire to get things that are way off the line of range, you will just be hopelessly hanging in the air, dreaming your way through the imaginary self-pity-poor-me realm.
This is just a boring self-satisfying post. Don't read this if you're not bored enough. haha.
I had dreamed of doing things. Silly ones I guess, that's why they never come true. But come to think of it, almost one-third of my wish list could be plausible. I myself sometimes negate that they happen. Ako ang humahanap sa malas.
So here is another rant list of what I will do this year in order to change my life and lessen the need to satisfy myself. Or else this will just knock off my head to think again.
1. Submit an entry to the ArtPetron under photography.
2. Submit an entry to the Palanca Awards. But before that I should...
3. finish a good Hiligaynon story fit to be published by SILAK and for the Palanca (hey, rant list only!)
4. Be able to fullfill my duty as the new photojournalist and lay-out artist of SILAK.
5. Pay the debts of our ex chairperson.
6. be able to buy my own camera.
7. be able to buy yet another book.
8. Be able to create a masterpiece using a ballpen.
9. Eat at Floyd's and Bavaria. (Wala pa ako nakakain dyan, sorry.)
10. Make the people at our section realize the term 'individual', 'respect', 'listening', 'forward thinking', 'maturity', 'self-reliance', 'cooperation' and 'leadership'.
11. Be able to convince SILAK to publish a seperate magazine for the big30 for SILAK's 30th anniversary. (So far, si Stacy convinced na sa idea.)
12. Shoot a fashion shoot. Kahit amateur lang.
13. Learn THE basics.
14. Buy a History book
I need to satisfy myself for once. Please help me accomplish it. Or else please encourage me to do so. Wish it for me. /KP
Showing posts with label scribbles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scribbles. Show all posts
Thursday, April 30
Friday, April 17
Sonata for the Semana Santa
Arthur Schopenhauer, a German philosopher once said, and may I quote, "The greatest follies is to sacrifice health for any other kind of happiness."
I think this quote fully applies to the extent of what my family did during the commemoration of Semana Santa. As I went home that Wednesday, I was hoping for few trinkets and more Pinaisan, but tides really do turn about. Contrasting to the fact that the Holy Week should be a time of penance and small size eating, people at home are not to keen on cooking food. Adding to this is my sisters over preparation for every meal, one cannot feel the spirit of sacrificing people in our home.
If Traditional Catholics saw this then they would be utterly dismayed that my parents have not instilled the "Catholic commitment" of sacrificing earthly hunger for spiritual satisfaction in our family. But sacrificing is a different term for the family.
It means not being mean to each other, not being snobbish, not being forgiving, and not listening.
People fail to realize the true innate spirit of the Semana Snata, they only want to see the superficial, the outside itinerary so that they could live up the standard on society on conduct during the Lenten Season. It is already synonymous that when we spread the news that we are fasting for the season then the Catholics would nod. Great, they say. But if we say We ate pork just this morning. People would judge you by that statement in a snap.
What I am trying to point out is that we are merely satisfied with shallow things. Yes, it is great if you sacrifice your hunger, but what is most important is that you have learned the value of sacrificing. And this is not obtain merely by not eating, as most Catholics would deny.
What is fasting anyway aside from tradition?
People fail to realize that those catholics who seems so diligent in following all the traditions (some pagan, some church based) are those who are the bad eggs that try to cover up their inhumane acts with saintly semi permanent ones.
Why would my parents pester me with these non-obligatory traditions (in which most Catholic household breaks) when they know that this is only the time that I get decent food from my home? Would fasting help my hypoglycemic body? I am not implying that we break the traditions, rather, we should analyze those who follow it if they are committed, honest, and truthfully enough to follow what the doctrine says.
Do not be fooled by the ones who imply on sacrificing. Remember that sacrificing does not need attention, rather it needs to be left alone to grow and to nurture the values that are stirring inside./KP
I think this quote fully applies to the extent of what my family did during the commemoration of Semana Santa. As I went home that Wednesday, I was hoping for few trinkets and more Pinaisan, but tides really do turn about. Contrasting to the fact that the Holy Week should be a time of penance and small size eating, people at home are not to keen on cooking food. Adding to this is my sisters over preparation for every meal, one cannot feel the spirit of sacrificing people in our home.
If Traditional Catholics saw this then they would be utterly dismayed that my parents have not instilled the "Catholic commitment" of sacrificing earthly hunger for spiritual satisfaction in our family. But sacrificing is a different term for the family.
It means not being mean to each other, not being snobbish, not being forgiving, and not listening.
People fail to realize the true innate spirit of the Semana Snata, they only want to see the superficial, the outside itinerary so that they could live up the standard on society on conduct during the Lenten Season. It is already synonymous that when we spread the news that we are fasting for the season then the Catholics would nod. Great, they say. But if we say We ate pork just this morning. People would judge you by that statement in a snap.
What I am trying to point out is that we are merely satisfied with shallow things. Yes, it is great if you sacrifice your hunger, but what is most important is that you have learned the value of sacrificing. And this is not obtain merely by not eating, as most Catholics would deny.
What is fasting anyway aside from tradition?
People fail to realize that those catholics who seems so diligent in following all the traditions (some pagan, some church based) are those who are the bad eggs that try to cover up their inhumane acts with saintly semi permanent ones.
Why would my parents pester me with these non-obligatory traditions (in which most Catholic household breaks) when they know that this is only the time that I get decent food from my home? Would fasting help my hypoglycemic body? I am not implying that we break the traditions, rather, we should analyze those who follow it if they are committed, honest, and truthfully enough to follow what the doctrine says.
Do not be fooled by the ones who imply on sacrificing. Remember that sacrificing does not need attention, rather it needs to be left alone to grow and to nurture the values that are stirring inside./KP
Tuesday, March 31
Cramming on the conferment program
I was called upon by Sir Donne last Tuesday (March 24) or Wednesday, I forgot. I thought it wasn’t a serious thing. Mali pala ako.
I was tasked to help Ma’am Tin-tin and Sir Donne and the other faculty involved to make a separate conferment program for Mr. Reynaldo G. David (President and CEO of DBP) who is the speaker for the commencement exercises on 31. Sir David is to be honored with a doctorate degree in Humanities that day.
The first thing that came to me was, What? Ngaman ako? Hala. I have terrible self perception. And thinking that this is an important not-in-my-level-of-expertise task, I stumbled to thinking that. Another thing is that I don’t think I could do it. I fear errors in this type of projects, Mr. and Ms. West pa lang gani nga program gapangurog naku.
Second thing is that, Okay, sounds cool. Kaya ni. I was also half curious on how to do it how to elaborate and further enhance Sir Don’s and Ma’am Tin’s design which I am so digging. So I programmed myself that okay, kaya ni. Program lang na, mapa name-nami ka naman it balasahun.
So I had a day or two to start on the design overhaul. I worked at the office, with usual intervals of RPG gaming and I finished half day of the front cover. The hardest part of doing the cover is that you’ve got to make it cohesive. Dapat mag-blend ang gold at blue. Which is hard kasi contrasting colors ito. Pero nagawa ko rin with a few tweaks in photoshop.
I presented my design and output to the committee, medyo marami ang corrections, hehe. But its nice kasi napuna nila ang palagi kong di makita na mga mistakes.
Una, font style cohesiveness. Kung ang font style sa taas at ilalim at sa gitna ay iba-iba, you’re on the brink of overhaul. Dapat cohesive at medyo similar ang font styles. Dahil medyo eccentric ako, iniba-iba ko. Edi yun, ulit. Hehe. Pero it’s okay naman kasi maganda pala ang mukha nang program na pare-pareho ang font. Siguro in the middle of the” lay-outing” na-iwan ang serious statement na “Conferment Program” at nawili na lang ako sa creative exploration ko.
Second, color color coordination. Like what I’ve said, mahirap I mix ang gold at blue. Choose colors that compliment. Huwag mag black nang text pag dark color na ang background color. Sasabihin nang babasa, “Asan ang text?” Pag medyo impossible ang mix, katulad ng blue at gold dahil analogous, use the gradient effect. Gradient effects work wonders when doing a background.
Except for the mistakes I committed there are factor which I mostly see as “new” in the life of an instigator of the commencement exercises. Very weird things.
Please let me quote Sir Donne, “Never work with o.c.d.’s . (obsessive compulsive disorder-s.)” That suits it! People in the office tend to be over-the-top because it’s the DBP president. Ha, even to the most microbic detail, they will bug and bug you to death. Who ever battle’s for the word “on” and “upon”?
Then, there’s the constant phrase “Ano na?” buzzing around the room. Parang hindi mapakali ang mga tao sa lugar. Naggers.
But then I am lucky to have this project. Honest po na statement yan. Imagine mo, ang dean na sayahan sa layout at outcome? ha. bluffing pero when you're being praised parang lumalaki talaga ulo mo. At talagang lumalaki.Imagine, parang katulad nang playbill na "mano-mano" ang pag-gawa nito. Thank the Lord at 130 copies lang. hehe. Thanks to Palmsdale at nagpaprint sila ng rush.
Somethings you need when doing stuffs like this:
First, being conscientious is great when doing these kinds of jobs. Di bale na ang mahuli basta tama. Slow and steady kung baga.
Second, be creative. Let the magical genetic juices of spatial, naturalistic at lahat nang M.I.'s mo to flow. Minsan lang ito na project so give it your best. Plus, imagine mo nalang na mapapahiya ang college mo pag medyo "law-'law" ang output.
Third, Patayin ang kahihiyan. Shyness as always is a hinderance to accomplish any job. Not to the extent that medyo ksp ka na, but you should be "brave" (term ko yan) enough to face people who should and needs to be talked to.
At ang mahabang listahan nang pasasalamat.
sir don, mam tin, coe, silak, palmsdale, bhouse ko. my beloved laftaf. at si bossing sa taas.
Parang nanalo lang nang Famas ba! At least, I've made people happy.
I hope pati si Sir David. hehe. By the way, hindi ko ini-extort ang school ko at si Sir David. Peace kami.Thursday, February 26
Leon Leon Sinta
I was gone a few weekends to join our community outreach at Sitio Miac-ac (me-yakh-ahk), Brgy. Poblacion, Leon, Iloilo. We spread out 48 hours of community service for six days, each interluded by a week. The first batch was on February 5-7, then the second on February 19-21. And I am here to tell you all about the things I learned, I loathe, I like, I love and I leave out during our very enjoyable discovery of Leon. The first thing that I would say is my "Thank you very many dialogue". Bear with the swimming flattering words (but truths!).
Ingatan mo Ako
It comes to a fact that when handling money matters on any given trip/excursion/outing/outreach/out-of-town/spring break/adventour, you need to have a good treasurer (ingat yaman kasi Filipino major siya); this time it's Romeilyn. And that is why I really love Romeilyn during the trip. She has all the money (Kidding folks)! No, seriously, she is great at the money dealings (which unluckily I don't have) and keeping the cash. Ano na lang ang gagawin ko pag wala ka Roms?
Instant pre-school teachers (na mukhang pre school rin!)
I knew they were the perfect tandem. Child friendly mukha nila e. It has always been a plus factor that you look young and this trip just proves it. Take two freshmen students who look like 4th grade students, add twenty pre school children, ten other small children, twenty five feeling children teenagers, two special childs and what do you get? One classroom full of fun. Sina Chinkay at Nini ang buhay nang classroom. Dyan lang ako nakakita nang mga teachers overnight. Salamat at they had an edge for these kind of stuff. Plus, enjoy naman sila!
Yaya's and Yayo
A big thank you to my classmates who showed their maternal instincts evern just for a day or two. I really appreciate it. And for those who help carry the extra luggage, thank you. Thanks for the overwhelmingly long patience for the kids at Miac-ac, for the travel experience, for the walkathons. THANK YOU!
The one who adds up my gray hairs whom I will christen, Uban Growers
Thank the Boss above you are there so that I have something to do; to scold you! If you bug me with all your ranting and yapping and endless complaints, thank you so much! That really tested my strength, character and resistance for my impulse to punch someone in the face. Thank you so much!
Phew! Now that is over, let me tell you the over-all impact (like a judging factor) of this activity for me.
We start by the budget.
Never under estimate the power of an emergency fund. If not for that, wow, second day pa lang namin at hindi na kami makaka-uwi ng Iloilo City! It's a good thing that we had the budget allotment or else, kinulang talaga kami nang pera. But always chip in the collected amount in advance! Ang iba sobrang wais allthrough out the trip ang siba kumain, di naman nagbayad! Hello, di nakaramdam nang hiya, even for just one moment!
That person makes up my "Uban Growers" (yung mga pasaway). At take note, marami sila!
Next is the activities. Plan the activities ahead and collaborate with your group effectively. Yan ang hindi ko nagawa nang maayos. Hinila ko lang si Elna at Krisma the night before to do their child antics. And thank Bossing above they know how to deal with children. The activities were so-child friendly that even my classmates all felty jumpy and excited. Gusto talagang manalo kaya ganun.haha. Mas excited pa sila kesa sa child partners nila!
Third is travel time. Warning: If you happen to ask someone from Leon of how far is a certain place, never trust on their answer. When they say malapit, its malayo. And when they say malayo, they mean it. Siguro, dahil sanay na ang mga taga-roon nang walkahons, kaya nasasabi nila na malapit. Maybe they're right. Pag masanay ka, malapit na yan.
Ingatan mo Ako
It comes to a fact that when handling money matters on any given trip/excursion/outing/outreach/out-of-town/spring break/adventour, you need to have a good treasurer (ingat yaman kasi Filipino major siya); this time it's Romeilyn. And that is why I really love Romeilyn during the trip. She has all the money (Kidding folks)! No, seriously, she is great at the money dealings (which unluckily I don't have) and keeping the cash. Ano na lang ang gagawin ko pag wala ka Roms?
Instant pre-school teachers (na mukhang pre school rin!)
I knew they were the perfect tandem. Child friendly mukha nila e. It has always been a plus factor that you look young and this trip just proves it. Take two freshmen students who look like 4th grade students, add twenty pre school children, ten other small children, twenty five feeling children teenagers, two special childs and what do you get? One classroom full of fun. Sina Chinkay at Nini ang buhay nang classroom. Dyan lang ako nakakita nang mga teachers overnight. Salamat at they had an edge for these kind of stuff. Plus, enjoy naman sila!
Yaya's and Yayo
A big thank you to my classmates who showed their maternal instincts evern just for a day or two. I really appreciate it. And for those who help carry the extra luggage, thank you. Thanks for the overwhelmingly long patience for the kids at Miac-ac, for the travel experience, for the walkathons. THANK YOU!
The one who adds up my gray hairs whom I will christen, Uban Growers
Thank the Boss above you are there so that I have something to do; to scold you! If you bug me with all your ranting and yapping and endless complaints, thank you so much! That really tested my strength, character and resistance for my impulse to punch someone in the face. Thank you so much!
Phew! Now that is over, let me tell you the over-all impact (like a judging factor) of this activity for me.
We start by the budget.
Never under estimate the power of an emergency fund. If not for that, wow, second day pa lang namin at hindi na kami makaka-uwi ng Iloilo City! It's a good thing that we had the budget allotment or else, kinulang talaga kami nang pera. But always chip in the collected amount in advance! Ang iba sobrang wais allthrough out the trip ang siba kumain, di naman nagbayad! Hello, di nakaramdam nang hiya, even for just one moment!
That person makes up my "Uban Growers" (yung mga pasaway). At take note, marami sila!
Next is the activities. Plan the activities ahead and collaborate with your group effectively. Yan ang hindi ko nagawa nang maayos. Hinila ko lang si Elna at Krisma the night before to do their child antics. And thank Bossing above they know how to deal with children. The activities were so-child friendly that even my classmates all felty jumpy and excited. Gusto talagang manalo kaya ganun.haha. Mas excited pa sila kesa sa child partners nila!
Third is travel time. Warning: If you happen to ask someone from Leon of how far is a certain place, never trust on their answer. When they say malapit, its malayo. And when they say malayo, they mean it. Siguro, dahil sanay na ang mga taga-roon nang walkahons, kaya nasasabi nila na malapit. Maybe they're right. Pag masanay ka, malapit na yan.
Fourth is food. Make sure that all are fed or else it will rain complaints. At diyan sumusutsot ang mga uban growers. Nakikibagay.
Fifth is safety. Why only 5th? hello, your parents signed the waiver! You know the risk! Pero still, essential ito. Besides, I don't want the trip to be a "Jeepers Creepers" localization.
Sixth, instruction-ing. Make sure clear ang instructions. Huwag kalimutan even the minute details! You will suffer the consequences if you do. Trust me on that one.
Seventh, patience-meter. You need those things in-order to know who is bored, tired, faking an illness, enjoying, disgusted, obliged, tinatamad at mga walang ideya kung ano ang ginagawa nila. I hope they invent those things. Plus a time portal and a laser bazooka para I could go back in time to see who's the who and then boom! Ultimate enjoyment. haha
Next is connection and coordination with the venue. Never ever forget this! Sitting duck ka na lang pag nalimutan mo to. Have phone numbers, full names of the people involved. That way, madali nalang ang communication. Salamat pala kay Capt. Cantara, sa mga kagawad, sa Pamilya Cabarles, dahil binulabog namin kayo at sa mga taga-Miac-ac.
Preparation. Prepare the list of things to buy for who and what. Mahirap na nasa bukid na kayo, nalimutan mo pa ang this and that.
Be an "old maid"-male version for once. That surely helped me in conducting this activity.
It was refreshing to see the people there, a break from the city life, if I were to be asked. But for the Uban Growers, bah, they thinks it all gross and this and that. Di naman mayaman aasta astang mayaman at di makahawak nang maruruming bagay. Hay nako. Uban growers are the Urban-obssessed freaks of our group.
Kawawa ang iba, they have to listen on your continuous never-ending reklamos. If you are looking for service, sana di na kayo sumama. We are serving these people you know. Outreach nga diba? How hard could that be?
Tama na sa Uban growers. Dumadami na ang gray hairs ko.
Plus pa pala, always wear a smile sa mga bata and don't be more noisy than them. Matatakot sila sa iyo. Huwag na huwag mong paiiyakin ang di mo kaano-anong bata. Baka sugurin ka nang nanay. haha. Huwag umasa na may kuryente, electric fan, NAWASA, pagkain, good sleeping area, good toilet IF you are going to this kind of trip. Ok?
Tuesday, February 24
My trendy Sister
When I first understood what a nurse is I thought it was a very noble profession. To assist someone in time of healing and rehabilitation, to administer medicine, to assist in operations and to be with old folks. But this perception has changed over the course of time---from good to bad, to trashy.
You may wonder why I named this entry as "My trendy sister" since all things mentioned above are not about her. But this entry believe it or not is all about my sister's plight of achiving the "All-Filipino Dream" of being the a nurse; in her person. Forgive me (for being a little bias in the process) Ging.
The All Filipino Dream of Mine
I never dreamed of being a nurse. It was never my option (guilty compensation). Well, it was but it was never the first. I had a cousin who was a sucessful nurse and don't want to be a lower comparison to her. I never liked it to be compared. I took exams, countless of exams to universities, different courses, different scores, different levels of frustrations. I did not pass the premier state university, neither my brother's sister-university (the universities I preferred) but I got accepted at a private, semi-cool (as what I could define it) university here in Iloilo.
I wanted to take up Hotel and Restaurant Management because I loved to cook. It has been in our blood that we cook great (no really, we cook great). I had been trained to cook for those who need it and I want that my future occupation be involved in the same scope. But I switched gears (for my parents) to this all-talked-about course NARSING (I spelled it that way 'coz that is what we really are, NARSES).
I've put my mind into "achiever mode" so that I can fullfill my parents' dream for me, to finish my studies with a degree. I studied dilligently and profusely. Sleeping less and reading more. Maybe beacause it's the "unproclaimed intellicence war" between me an my sibling since he frequently gets more peps in the academics whilst I get the low-down "kabit-kabit" grades.
And I looked at myself in the mirror, my once chubby fat-ridden face was now, thinning up, it tightens and I have a waistline now. This is great! If studying leads to better figures, then every chubby person that exists should study hard!
I was slowly transforming into what my classmates are!
Money hungry narcissistic quacks!
Though I admit that I am materialistic, I am not money greedy, it also runs in our blood to be narcissistic. No, this are not alibis, these are wholesome truths. I said to myself, I won't be a laughingstock in our family. I will not be the black sheep of the class. I am going to make a mark in history and live my life as a student nurse the way it should be.
And so I met friends, enemies, acquaintances, clinical instructors, patients (both well and terminally-ill), mountain people, barkadas, janitors, student assistants, boardmates, security guards, landladies, vendors, and jeepney driversalong the way of loving this ill-fated future profession of mine.
But I never realized that with this face (which I thought was beautiful all life long), I could entice someone. Really! And he is head of a fraternity at school! Kappa Beta Alpha, blah. Whatever that is. And in the end he won my heart and the rest is... well, reality! Were still together! after what? 3 years? Ang tibay diba?
I hid this from my family partly because they were expecting so much from me and partly because I want this to be a thing of my own. Two years of keeping that secret is very hard, very painful and very very very very very (too many "very's"?) heart breaking. I think I was cheating my parents. But soon it leaked out and my brother caught a sniff of it. He did not told our parent but he always blackmails me after that.
I continued my student life as what it is before "Dad" (my boyfriend, ooh, boyfriend!) but with his fun inexplicit addition. BUT this blasted clinical instructor, just ruined my (parents) dream. He gave me a grade far bellow my cut off grade and well, I got deloaded (term for not passable). Most of my friends were. It's the sad truth that my school forcefully or intentionally deloads students after they get their money's worth from them. I am one of those fortunate ones who got sliced off in the process.
I was angry and tired and sad. Mix-mix kung sa filipino pa! I never deserved to be deloaded for it was an unfair system. A pa-close-close system. I hate it. I cursed my school, myself, and that blasted stupid clinical instructor!
In the end, I had to repeat another semester, since the subject is not offered the next sem. I had to wait. PROBATION HIBERNATION PERIOD. Maybe beacuse of being depressed that I ate too much again and I swelled up back to my old self. The fat me.
But then I swallowed my pride, my procastination, my abhorrence and my utter digust to my school and started again on my never-ending journey of being a student nurse. Duty, lecture, duty, lecture. Dull but meaningful, now that I had learned to love this profession.
And after so much sweat, tears, saliva, sandals, duty shoes, and unifoms, wrecked, trashed, torned and wasted, I had managed to graduate. I walked that field with a lofty feeling; that I had made it to Everest. And I took my diploma(paper rolled with a red ribbon tied) with a smiling face. Fogetting all the pains behind.
But then it all came back when the prospected dread board exams came to a unstoopable countdown. 150 days. 130. 89. 75. 30. The reviews were brain draining, exhausting but very informative (the speakers were great). I was being paranoid of it and I though of it almost everyday. Yapping, and yapping to everyone who listens to my panicking soul.
Soon I was filing and falling (literally) in line at PRC. The line was making dizzy, it was making me more paranoid. We were going to every church I had ever visited in Iloilo, we prayed profusely (even at the review center). We were all desperate to pass.
And then the fateful day came like lightning. It's really true when they say, "Pagbugtaw mo board exam na." I Prayed and trusted my brain and the Almighty. I went through part 1 with ease, but part two got me stuck. 3, 4 were easy and again I was helpless at part 5. I trusted my now keen (as I have learened) nursing senses.
It was two days of pure terror. It caught us unaware. Were were like zobies answering, erasing, nudging, praying, killing our heads with concentration and mixed emotions. We swore that after that day, we would never speak of that "unfatetul day" again. Until the results came out.
And it did came (with fervent hope and anxiety). I was hoping that it would come earlier when everyone was at home. Everyday for the past week I would bug my brother over the phone to check on the internet to see if the results were up. It cauight me unaware on the third day of "monitoring" that Dad(boyfriend) called me that I passed. I was jumping and screaming all around the house (Nobody was there) and SMS were piling up my inbox telling that I had passed.
I was happy that I passed. Really joyously (is that a word?) happy. I could not believe I can, but still, the newspaper tells it all. That I had passed the 2008 Philippine Nurses Licensure Examination, November Batch.
Now what should I do?
*this post is my own interpretation of my sister, she is not entitled to anything in this entry. Except being the source of all these.Congratulations Ging!
You may wonder why I named this entry as "My trendy sister" since all things mentioned above are not about her. But this entry believe it or not is all about my sister's plight of achiving the "All-Filipino Dream" of being the a nurse; in her person. Forgive me (for being a little bias in the process) Ging.
The All Filipino Dream of Mine
I never dreamed of being a nurse. It was never my option (guilty compensation). Well, it was but it was never the first. I had a cousin who was a sucessful nurse and don't want to be a lower comparison to her. I never liked it to be compared. I took exams, countless of exams to universities, different courses, different scores, different levels of frustrations. I did not pass the premier state university, neither my brother's sister-university (the universities I preferred) but I got accepted at a private, semi-cool (as what I could define it) university here in Iloilo.
I wanted to take up Hotel and Restaurant Management because I loved to cook. It has been in our blood that we cook great (no really, we cook great). I had been trained to cook for those who need it and I want that my future occupation be involved in the same scope. But I switched gears (for my parents) to this all-talked-about course NARSING (I spelled it that way 'coz that is what we really are, NARSES).
I've put my mind into "achiever mode" so that I can fullfill my parents' dream for me, to finish my studies with a degree. I studied dilligently and profusely. Sleeping less and reading more. Maybe beacause it's the "unproclaimed intellicence war" between me an my sibling since he frequently gets more peps in the academics whilst I get the low-down "kabit-kabit" grades.
And I looked at myself in the mirror, my once chubby fat-ridden face was now, thinning up, it tightens and I have a waistline now. This is great! If studying leads to better figures, then every chubby person that exists should study hard!
I was slowly transforming into what my classmates are!
Money hungry narcissistic quacks!
Though I admit that I am materialistic, I am not money greedy, it also runs in our blood to be narcissistic. No, this are not alibis, these are wholesome truths. I said to myself, I won't be a laughingstock in our family. I will not be the black sheep of the class. I am going to make a mark in history and live my life as a student nurse the way it should be.
And so I met friends, enemies, acquaintances, clinical instructors, patients (both well and terminally-ill), mountain people, barkadas, janitors, student assistants, boardmates, security guards, landladies, vendors, and jeepney driversalong the way of loving this ill-fated future profession of mine.
But I never realized that with this face (which I thought was beautiful all life long), I could entice someone. Really! And he is head of a fraternity at school! Kappa Beta Alpha, blah. Whatever that is. And in the end he won my heart and the rest is... well, reality! Were still together! after what? 3 years? Ang tibay diba?
I hid this from my family partly because they were expecting so much from me and partly because I want this to be a thing of my own. Two years of keeping that secret is very hard, very painful and very very very very very (too many "very's"?) heart breaking. I think I was cheating my parents. But soon it leaked out and my brother caught a sniff of it. He did not told our parent but he always blackmails me after that.
I continued my student life as what it is before "Dad" (my boyfriend, ooh, boyfriend!) but with his fun inexplicit addition. BUT this blasted clinical instructor, just ruined my (parents) dream. He gave me a grade far bellow my cut off grade and well, I got deloaded (term for not passable). Most of my friends were. It's the sad truth that my school forcefully or intentionally deloads students after they get their money's worth from them. I am one of those fortunate ones who got sliced off in the process.
I was angry and tired and sad. Mix-mix kung sa filipino pa! I never deserved to be deloaded for it was an unfair system. A pa-close-close system. I hate it. I cursed my school, myself, and that blasted stupid clinical instructor!
In the end, I had to repeat another semester, since the subject is not offered the next sem. I had to wait. PROBATION HIBERNATION PERIOD. Maybe beacuse of being depressed that I ate too much again and I swelled up back to my old self. The fat me.
But then I swallowed my pride, my procastination, my abhorrence and my utter digust to my school and started again on my never-ending journey of being a student nurse. Duty, lecture, duty, lecture. Dull but meaningful, now that I had learned to love this profession.
And after so much sweat, tears, saliva, sandals, duty shoes, and unifoms, wrecked, trashed, torned and wasted, I had managed to graduate. I walked that field with a lofty feeling; that I had made it to Everest. And I took my diploma(paper rolled with a red ribbon tied) with a smiling face. Fogetting all the pains behind.
But then it all came back when the prospected dread board exams came to a unstoopable countdown. 150 days. 130. 89. 75. 30. The reviews were brain draining, exhausting but very informative (the speakers were great). I was being paranoid of it and I though of it almost everyday. Yapping, and yapping to everyone who listens to my panicking soul.
Soon I was filing and falling (literally) in line at PRC. The line was making dizzy, it was making me more paranoid. We were going to every church I had ever visited in Iloilo, we prayed profusely (even at the review center). We were all desperate to pass.
And then the fateful day came like lightning. It's really true when they say, "Pagbugtaw mo board exam na." I Prayed and trusted my brain and the Almighty. I went through part 1 with ease, but part two got me stuck. 3, 4 were easy and again I was helpless at part 5. I trusted my now keen (as I have learened) nursing senses.
It was two days of pure terror. It caught us unaware. Were were like zobies answering, erasing, nudging, praying, killing our heads with concentration and mixed emotions. We swore that after that day, we would never speak of that "unfatetul day" again. Until the results came out.
And it did came (with fervent hope and anxiety). I was hoping that it would come earlier when everyone was at home. Everyday for the past week I would bug my brother over the phone to check on the internet to see if the results were up. It cauight me unaware on the third day of "monitoring" that Dad(boyfriend) called me that I passed. I was jumping and screaming all around the house (Nobody was there) and SMS were piling up my inbox telling that I had passed.
I was happy that I passed. Really joyously (is that a word?) happy. I could not believe I can, but still, the newspaper tells it all. That I had passed the 2008 Philippine Nurses Licensure Examination, November Batch.
Now what should I do?
*this post is my own interpretation of my sister, she is not entitled to anything in this entry. Except being the source of all these.Congratulations Ging!
Sunday, February 15
My book review
Up to now, I still don't know what to write on my book review. I actually wrote something but I feel it's just rubbish. Anyway, this won't be about my pathetic review on a great book, it is the book itself. Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't read this, or his previous work Tuesdays with Morrie, then you missed a great read.
The review is halfway finished and is due on tuesday. I hope I make it on time. As what the captain said in the book, No one gets left behind.
I hope I don't get left behind./KP
Saturday, February 14
What I Have Learned
This day had been my "observation" day and so let me re-iterate what I had learned this day. I call this post, What I Have Learned culling it from Sabiene Rachel's essay on post-Holocaust memories.
1. When you wear black and you're all alone in a resto full of dating couples, you are surely to get the eyes of the diners, staff and curious "couple" passers by.
2. When you stop to see those huge teddies they have on sale, people would stare at you as if trying to say, "Uy, may baklan siya." Well in fact I don't.
3. Never go out on this day if you have no date! People you know might be roaming in the same area and will eventually bump on you! Better not risk making up impromptu alibis.
4. Never ride on a taxi with a girl (that is a friend) on this day. taxi drivers would just say, "The Q sir?"
5. Never wake up too late for this day. You'll receive to many messages and send fewer.
6. Never SMS your crush on this day. You'll just fall on deaf ears.
7. Never frown this day, people will assume you are broken hearted.
8. Never eat too much, people say your binge-eating your heart out.
9. Make reservations at hotels early on. Many people tend to do some "unusual activities" this time. So if on seminars, conferences, meetings, be sure to book in advance the hotel if your are staying overnight this day.
10. Never ride on a jeepney when all passengers are couples! (including the driver) You'll just be the center of attraction for those people.
Mental Note: V-day is couples day. Go out with someone. Friend, family, classmates, whoever. Just don't be alone!/KP
1. When you wear black and you're all alone in a resto full of dating couples, you are surely to get the eyes of the diners, staff and curious "couple" passers by.
2. When you stop to see those huge teddies they have on sale, people would stare at you as if trying to say, "Uy, may baklan siya." Well in fact I don't.
3. Never go out on this day if you have no date! People you know might be roaming in the same area and will eventually bump on you! Better not risk making up impromptu alibis.
4. Never ride on a taxi with a girl (that is a friend) on this day. taxi drivers would just say, "The Q sir?"
5. Never wake up too late for this day. You'll receive to many messages and send fewer.
6. Never SMS your crush on this day. You'll just fall on deaf ears.
7. Never frown this day, people will assume you are broken hearted.
8. Never eat too much, people say your binge-eating your heart out.
9. Make reservations at hotels early on. Many people tend to do some "unusual activities" this time. So if on seminars, conferences, meetings, be sure to book in advance the hotel if your are staying overnight this day.
10. Never ride on a jeepney when all passengers are couples! (including the driver) You'll just be the center of attraction for those people.
Mental Note: V-day is couples day. Go out with someone. Friend, family, classmates, whoever. Just don't be alone!/KP
Sunday, January 25
ang aga sa julies
January 21, 2009
4:58 am
Julie's Bakeshop
Luna St., L Paz, Iloilo
Breaking the Habit
Di ka gid mabayaan.
Nagtinir ko upod sa imo
sa tatlo ka oras mo nga pag-puasa.
Kapot mo man gyapon akon
kamot nga nagakurog na sa kakapuyon.
Bal-an ko masakit na imo tyan.
Kag masumpit na ang kagina pa nimo
gina punggan.
Pero di ka gid ma biya sakon.
Wala mo gid ko gin pabayan. Biskan puno nako sa imo
mga kaupod kagina.
Puro lang pindot, hala sige lang tuhil
sa akon nga mahumok nga panit, ayos
lang na kay ara ka ga saway.
Gina saway ka man sang tatay mo nga di ka magsubong sina pero,
ikaw man pasaway. May exam kapa karon pero
wala kapa gatulog, gapahuway.
Ni bukas
sang libro wala gid. Kompyansa kana?
Siguraduha, basi madula ko sa imo.
Halong gid. Basi may magsabnit lang sakon
nga wala ka katatap.
Ikaw lang makadala sakon. Ako gin habilin sa imo.
Luya nagid ako tama na.
Pareho lang ta kinahanglan priot mata.
Tulog na ta.
I shut down nako.
Kag bwas ma-charge naman kita.
when sleeping is not an option
01.21.09
5:13 pm
I am so freakishly sleepy right now. Dull. Lethargic.
“...Feeling so good, just the way that we do...” as the PATD puts it is the opposite feeling.
You know the feeling that there's something churning your stomach up and down and sideways and under and over while adding backflips and somersaults at the same time? Add to that the constant abrupt release of odorless gas from your crack hole and the constant thirsty feeling stuck reverberating in your throat-now you have me.
I'm never really fond coffee. It's like a forbidden drug for me as I grew old. I never drank coffee during breakfast my entire highschool life (except during encampments and seminars where I am away from home). But its slowly gripping me now. A wonder drug.
My mother wouldn't be pleased that I replaced her warm hot milk in a porcelain cup with the miracle drink in a styro “to-go” cup. Yet why does it make me yearn for sleep and rest?
I tell myself, Wala talab ang kape sa'yo.
They say coffee could make you forget that you need sleep. Parang si Edward ba! That it's the best friend for those who work at night, janitor ka man, security guard, bantay sa 24-hour na internet cafe, cashier on a drug store, taxi driver, pokpok na walang customer, batang kalye, taong grasa, cargo forwarder, porter sa pier nang Calapan, at lahat nang taong gusto lang magmukhang conyo at astig.
But I don't drink coffee for all that reasons. I drink coffee because I want to. Not that I need to. Sa madaling salita, trip lang po.
Drinking coffee has its perks naman (this is just my perspective). First, kung gusto mong hindi matulog sa tinutuluyan mong bahay, punta ka lang sa 24-hour cafes, they serve coffee that will surely wake you up. Second, kung may mainit kayong sasabihin sa mo kaibigan mo, na mas mainit pa sa ordered coffee niyo. Third, if you want to have fun fun fun and of non-stop talking, laughing and chatting, coffee would be the best way to compliment it.
It also has a few bad images. Akala nang iba, if you drink coffee nowadays, your on the “gaga/gago road” to S******** and C***********. Don't they know na masarap ang kape sa De Leonian? O, Kilala niyo ba yun? Sarap ata nang kape nila. People think na uy, trying-hard conyo naman to, pa coffeebreak, coffeebreak pa.
Stereotypers.
Anyway, I don't give an inch of a fingernail of care to what they say. Honestly speaking, trying hard people are always existing basta kape ang pinag-uusapan. To think that they only go to coffee-drenched places is that they want to be seen by people. Ha, as if I care if I saw you. Take this, when the newly renovated place downtown has opened, news started to buzz that S******** will open there. Too bad, hindi ata natuloy. Wala nang mapaglulugaran ang mga conyo (daw).
But for me, coffee is coffee. That's just it. Pampatulog, di pampagising. Nothing more, nothing less.
5:13 pm
I am so freakishly sleepy right now. Dull. Lethargic.
“...Feeling so good, just the way that we do...” as the PATD puts it is the opposite feeling.
You know the feeling that there's something churning your stomach up and down and sideways and under and over while adding backflips and somersaults at the same time? Add to that the constant abrupt release of odorless gas from your crack hole and the constant thirsty feeling stuck reverberating in your throat-now you have me.
I'm never really fond coffee. It's like a forbidden drug for me as I grew old. I never drank coffee during breakfast my entire highschool life (except during encampments and seminars where I am away from home). But its slowly gripping me now. A wonder drug.
My mother wouldn't be pleased that I replaced her warm hot milk in a porcelain cup with the miracle drink in a styro “to-go” cup. Yet why does it make me yearn for sleep and rest?
I tell myself, Wala talab ang kape sa'yo.
They say coffee could make you forget that you need sleep. Parang si Edward ba! That it's the best friend for those who work at night, janitor ka man, security guard, bantay sa 24-hour na internet cafe, cashier on a drug store, taxi driver, pokpok na walang customer, batang kalye, taong grasa, cargo forwarder, porter sa pier nang Calapan, at lahat nang taong gusto lang magmukhang conyo at astig.
But I don't drink coffee for all that reasons. I drink coffee because I want to. Not that I need to. Sa madaling salita, trip lang po.
Drinking coffee has its perks naman (this is just my perspective). First, kung gusto mong hindi matulog sa tinutuluyan mong bahay, punta ka lang sa 24-hour cafes, they serve coffee that will surely wake you up. Second, kung may mainit kayong sasabihin sa mo kaibigan mo, na mas mainit pa sa ordered coffee niyo. Third, if you want to have fun fun fun and of non-stop talking, laughing and chatting, coffee would be the best way to compliment it.
It also has a few bad images. Akala nang iba, if you drink coffee nowadays, your on the “gaga/gago road” to S******** and C***********. Don't they know na masarap ang kape sa De Leonian? O, Kilala niyo ba yun? Sarap ata nang kape nila. People think na uy, trying-hard conyo naman to, pa coffeebreak, coffeebreak pa.
Stereotypers.
Anyway, I don't give an inch of a fingernail of care to what they say. Honestly speaking, trying hard people are always existing basta kape ang pinag-uusapan. To think that they only go to coffee-drenched places is that they want to be seen by people. Ha, as if I care if I saw you. Take this, when the newly renovated place downtown has opened, news started to buzz that S******** will open there. Too bad, hindi ata natuloy. Wala nang mapaglulugaran ang mga conyo (daw).
But for me, coffee is coffee. That's just it. Pampatulog, di pampagising. Nothing more, nothing less.
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