It is true to the phrase that saying goodbye is very hard. I never had the chance to say so. The moment was stolen from me. I let them steal it. I opened my arms and welcomed them with a very big smile on my face. I was stupid and very very dumb.
(For those who did not know, my laptop was stolen inside the school premises, 1 October 2009 at around 7:40 to 8 in the evening.)
Yes it is my fault and I could not blame anybody else. It was a careless decision to leave such valuable thing unattened. but as trusting and as haggard as I am that time, I did not let my mind work. I let it overrun and miss look everything that should be taken care of. In short, I was a total dudderhead.
As I sit here in an internet shop (can you imagine that i am here???) I still could feel and see my beloved laptop infront of me with Aizyl's Tattoo on its left side blinking with the beautiful color of blue. I need a handkerchief right now.
Call it cheesy or tag me as a sentimental dopehead, but I really regret that I did not use my worldly knowledge that night. I feel so stupid even if I just recall that moment. Could someone hack me with a pick axe?
I am still not "over" with the loss. I halluciante. Yes I do. For three straight days, my mind wonders off where the laptop has gone into. I think I am going nuts. But it's just a comment, you can attest to that fact if it's true or not. It's like I am drugged (not like I had ever been one). Or maybe my imagination has just gone too far.
The big scary moment was when I had to tell my parents. Its been what, ten months (give or take a day or two) since tatay bought it for me. And I was scared of my witts trying to imagine what my father would do to me if he would get the news. I was not afraid that I had lost the laptop. I was afraid that I would disappoint him. But it's too late, I already went kaploey.
Disappointment is my worst enemy and my father makes it in human form. It's very painful to see your father cry ladies and gentlemen, very painful indeed for he is holding himself calm of what he intends to do. He holds himself of by crying to stop his impulse of punching me in the face and practicing my gag reflex. It is very painful to see that's why I cried. I couldn't even utter the words "Sorry" for I know that would only break his heart more. I was the living disappointment.
So this is me, writing something that is totally and utterly stupid for the things that I had stupidly done.
I say thank you.
To Nanay, Tatay (especially Tatay) and Ging.
To my classmates who are in logic primary suspects but also victims of false criminal interpretation who said sorry even though they made no mistake.
To my SILAK buddies who supported and understood the situation and analyzed it for me when my brain was not working properly.
To my co-borders and Eleros (uy, promotion) who comforted my blank expression when I got home Thursday evening.
Sa lahat. Salamat.
By the way, for the first time, nag kuha ako ng quote sa FB, at timing, eto sabi niya.
Losing everything is at the same time the scariest, as well as the most libe...rating experience you can have. When you have something, - anything, you've got to protect it from disappearing. And so worry becomes a resident in your heart. When you've got nothing, your heart overflows with gratitude for every offering you receive.
Thank you. Bumalik trust ko sa you JC.
No comments:
Post a Comment