Unrelenting Habit

Father, forgive me for I have sinned.

This should be my lines right now. I should be facing a punctured wall with a priest on the other side waiting anxiously for me to reveal what is this sin.

But that doesn’t happen. Instead, I face an LCD screen and type away the anxiousness that covers my fear of being discovered by the authorities of my unnerving obsession.

Yes I am an addict. Not of drugs, of violence, of death, of sex but of books. It seems musing to find one these days right? But still, I admit wholeheartedly to you that I am a book lover. I don’t think that this covers as a mortal sin for priests right?

Yesterday with the brink of a black out in the city, I went to the mall for some ‘refreshing’ air (when I say refreshing, I mean cool, air-condition surroundings). First, I head off to Robinsons, a mall in the heart of the city-literally in the heart of the city.

It seems to hit me that although few boutiques are present in this mall and there are few proprietors renting, the people level here don’t fully go to level zero. A fact still amuses me that most offices for the city government (I reckon there are four), are located on the third floor of the mall. This is when I wish I was government employee at Robinsons, it’s easy to get to everything without the hassle.

Back to books. Of course as clothing is my second obsession, as would I tell on another time, I passed nonchalantly the boutiques and shops mostly people ogle for and head off to a sanctuary discovered almost a century ago; The Philippine National Bookstore (God bless that husband and wife).

It seems predictable to anyone who knows me that this is my first destination in any mall in the Philippines. When I went to MOA April 2006, I completely ignored the skating rink, Starbucks and head off to the national bookstore. When I went to SM Bacolod this October, I completely ignored CK and head off to, still, the national bookstore.

Maybe this is just my built of character and how my understanding of going to the mall is. Shopping for books.

So I scoured the entire bookstore (almost excluding the precious hearts shelf and the school supplies) and found an interesting book with a far fetched-price. It’s twenty-five US dollars. Roughly about one thousand pesos. Back to the cheap ones then. Then I saw ‘The Tipping Point’ which is highly recommended to me by Aries since its very related to my field. But then it hit me that this is not my priority.

Like the mantra in ‘Confessions of a Shopaholic’, I asked myself: “Do I need this?” over and over again until I decided, oh well, best be off without it. I can buy it anytime if money permits. So when everything that interests me did not fit in my astoundingly tight budget, I went away, away from sin, and away from over consumption.

Next stop was the other mall at the other end of the city. Well outside the city.

SM Iloilo also has a bookstore. Though the same franchise, one could see other things in both stores. Sometimes, stock vary differently in the two outlets. At one time, the one in Robinsons held ancient stocks while SM’s is updated. Another time, it’s the other way around.

Again, I traversed the long corridors lined with bookshelves. The feeling of walking past numerous of volumes and numerous of books sends shivers to my spine and send a smile up to the back of my head. I love that feeling. I am one with the thin papers bonded together by glue. I am one with the thick pages of the atlas on that wall. I am one with the grandmother of all knowledge sources; books.

New stocks are in. Hurrah for fast cargo deliveries. I scour the wall for something new. A book by Nick Deocampo, An EZ map of the Philippines, the ILOILO Yearbook, then I saw it again. The National Geographic Book on WORK.

I could only prolong the saliva that was about to drool outside my mouth. It was still there. Early on last week, I had seen it already, and with determination I said, I am going to buy this if I got the money. But I didn’t had it that time so, I decided to put it on hold. Now that I had enough (I checked my wallet, luckily yes) money, I will buy this. Hahaha.

I had always been an avid fan of Nat Geo’s photography. Always. *Sigh* If only nanay did not throw those old issues at home, I would have gladly preserved those pictures.

Then I asked myself the same question, “Do I need this?” The perfect response, YES I DO!

I sorely, badly, really, hopefully, excruciatingly, happily need this.

Since I was starting to learn the basics of photography, I would gladly spend money to see the works of the pro’s who made the world turn, speak, and listen. Maybe I can be with them on a project. Load of tosh. Haha.

But seriously, I want it bad, so I bought it and had 35 pesos as change for my seven hundred pesos. Then hello Nang Adel. I saw her look at the books on display. Still I was shy to let her know what I bought. An obsession.

Mother shouldn’t know this. Father shouldn’t for they would disagree on spending too much on my passion. Unless you tell and unless they read this. /KP